in the market for turn-key success

stories, parables & verse

what i'm looking for
i told the guy again
is a turn-key success

the man didn't turn around
but kept staring out the window
wearing that green plaid jacket
looking for all the world
like some kind of clown

i want to walk right in
and start making money
lots and lots of money
and i'm willing to pay

flurdimus bogem
(i think that's his name)
finally turned
on the word "pay"
he turned and smiled
that big plastic grin

i know exactly what you want
he told me
i have just the package deal
for money-savvy fellows
such as yourself

with those words
he sat in the chair
behind his desk
and shoved the stuff on top
into a lower drawer

somehow
as he spoke
and grinned that grin
i felt like someone
buying their own casket

flurdimus bogem opened a top drawer
with his left hand
and slid out
a thin stack
of perfectly executed
pre-prepared paperwork

it was as though
he had known
i would be here today
and exactly what i would want

flipping through the papers
crisply
with a set expression
of great confidence
flurdimus bogem
filled in a spot here
and another one there

then he turned the stack around
and slid it toward me
and the grin was back

i never pay a lot of attention
to necessary paperwork
a lot of bother
a waste of time
for any normal person
i always say

i think you'll find
everything in order
with this offer
flurdimus bogem said
grinning largely

say what you will
the grin was real
the expression was genuine
i could just feel it

i looked for the places marked
and signed my own name
in full
i signed
and signed
and signed
like i was signing
my whole life away

wow
i said to him
i ain't signed so much paper
since i bought my first house
and as i was talking
he pointed out one last blank
that needed my john henry

so i signed that one too

the day was clear as could be
i could see that outside the window
but i would almost swear
i heard something like thunder
off in the distance

with a single motion
flurdimus bogem
pulled the papers back
and placed them back inside
the very same drawer

leaning forward
he grinned the biggest grin
i have ever seen
and said
congratulations
fine sir
you have bought yourself
the best turn-key package
available on the market today

i started to get up
so i could shake his
cold white hand
but the floor beneath me
opened up right then
and everything just went black

i been here ever since
trying to find my way out
haven't even found a wall
a stick of furniture
or nothing
just the darkness
and the oppressive heat

seems like no matter
which way i turn
the heat gets worse
and that awful noise
that rumbling noise
and all those voices
seem to get louder
closer

well
i tell you one thing
that guy
ain't gettin'
any money outta me
not one red cent
not a single penny

			verse