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I
was only 17 years old, but I had already reached the end of my desire to
live. I had no more reason to be here.
I had no family. My life of crime was partly to blame for that. There was
also my refusal to work or go to school or to do anything meaningful with
my life. My mom, of course, would probably have put up with it. But my
step-dad had closed the door, telling me that I was no longer welcome in
his house.
I had no friends. Not that I really understood then what it means to have
friends. All my buddies were into crime and drugs, like I was. And while
there was a certain amount of honor among thieves, I guess, that honor was
always tossed aside when it got in the way of greed or escaping arrest or
even the desire to have someone else's girl.
And I had played out my hand over and over, taking advantage of every
friend I had. I had shown them all that they could never trust me. So now
I had no one else to call on for a favor. I was all alone.
But not completely alone. I did have the law on my back. There were
warrants out for my arrest. Mostly traffic violations: court agreements I
had not kept and tickets that I had never paid. The police had never been
able to prove my participation in any of the more serious crimes. So I
guessed that I was lucky.
But who wanted this life? Not me. I had already fried my mind. My use of
LSD and a long list of other drugs had left me without the ability to
concentrate or think clearly. I was unable to sit still and do anything
meaningful.
So it was obvious that I had no peace with God. And if a person is not at
peace with God, then there can be no joy, no peace inside at all, and no
honest hope of a better tomorrow. I was angry and ruined and without
anyone to care in the world. I had no place to go, and no reason to stay.
I wanted out.
I had wrecked my car, so I walked for hours across the big city, making my
way to a place on the freeway where I might at least be able to get a ride
out of town. I needed to go away -- far away. It was not my first time to
hitch rides. I had been traveling across the U.S. this way since I was 15.
I had been alone out in the desert before, and I was thinking about that
now. Maybe I would just go out into the desert and never come back.
I now walked backwards along the shoulder of the interstate, facing the
traffic and holding my thumb out. Literally thousands of vehicles passed
by but no one stopped. I walked down to where I finally had to climb over
and walk down to the final stretch of interstate, the one that headed
straight west out of the city. I knew that I should have better luck here,
beyond the interchanges and all the local loops of freeway.
But I still waited and waited, walking backwards, holding out my thumb.
Finally, a '61 Chevy pulled over and stopped. At last!
I hoped this guy would be going hundreds of miles into the west. But the
first thing I noticed, as I reached for the door handle, was a big, black
Bible sitting on the seat. I stepped back for a second, thinking I'd just
waive the guy on. The last thing in the world I wanted now was some guy
preaching at me. Life was already bad enough. But then I thought about the
hours I'd been waiting for this ride. I needed to get moving. So I grabbed
the handle, opened the door and got in.
Sure enough, Dan wasted little time in asking me if I knew the Lord Jesus.
I gave him my automatic response to such questions. "Sure I do," I said.
"I'm a member of Timbergrove Baptist Church, right here in town."
But Dan didn't stop. He said, "That's great, Jim." And then he went on
talking about all the things Jesus had been doing in his life. He told
about how Jesus had saved him from sin, and about how Jesus had called him
to be a singer of the gospel message. And he told about how he and his
Christian friends would go around singing and telling people about Jesus.
The odd thing is, I wasn't getting bored with what Dan was saying. He
wasn't talking about church, about religion, about the Ten Commandments,
or even a lot about sin. He was talking about real life, and about how
Jesus had given him a really great life. Now Dan was doing good things,
real things, meaningful things.
I found myself thinking of how great it would be to live like that. Waking
up every day with a purpose and a list of good things I had to do that
day. He also talked about all the other lives he knew of that had been
changed by Jesus -- people whose live had been transformed as a result of
the work that Dan and his Christian friends were doing. I thought of how I
would like to have that kind of life. A life that makes a good and
meaningful impact on the people around me. A life that helps to change the
world in good ways.
I was sick and tired of my life of sin. I had nothing good to show for the
years I had lived. All I had was a long list of crimes and other acts
against all kinds of people -- acts against everyone I knew, plus lots of
strangers. No wonder I was ready to die.
It would be great to be like Dan. But I knew it was too late for me. I'd
already wasted my life, my mind, my body. I was too bad. I had gone too
long in sin, too far down the wrong path. God already knew about me. He
would never forgive all the stuff I had done, all the lies I'd told, the
promises I had broken, the things I'd said in my rage -- even things I'd
said to Him. No, it would be better for me to just go on out into the
middle of nowhere, where I could never do anyone else any harm, and just
die.
But still...
Dan was telling me that he was a college student, living at home. He was
on his way home now, and he invited me to his folk's house for a good meal
before I went on my way. I had no deadlines, no schedules to keep to, so I
went along. And in his family, I could see the same power of Jesus Christ
at work.
He then offered to let me meet some of the Christian friends he'd been
telling me about. We went over to a friend's house where others were
gathering. And again, that evening, I could see the grace of God in Jesus
Christ at work in their lives. All of them told of how they had been lost
sinners until Jesus came along and "found them," setting them free, giving
them a new and meaningful life. Some of them were now singers or
musicians. Some had become preachers, and some taught others about the
kingdom of God in Jesus Christ.
It was wonderful, listening to them talk, and seeing all the things that
Jesus was doing in their lives. But I could not be truly joyful, knowing
all the while that my own life was lost, ruined, destroyed by my own
ignorance and sin, my own foolish choices. If only I had really understood
some of these things before it was too late. But now it was too late. It
was beyond being late. It was over for me.
Yet...
I sensed, after a while, that the Spirit of God was speaking to my own
heart, calling me to genuine faith in Jesus. Genuine faith meant a
surrender to His ways, His rule. I could see how happy these other people
were to know and serve Jesus Christ, but I found it difficult to think of
myself as ever being that happy, that much at peace. Would God really do
the same things for me?
I struggled for hours with my questions, my doubts and fears, my unbelief.
I now had a kind of hope inside, but I didn't know how to act on that
hope. The Christians around me shared their stories and talked with me,
and among each other. They came and went from the room I was in. I told
none of them about what I was thinking, or how my heart longed for what
they now had with Jesus Christ.
But God knew. And The Holy Spirit kept speaking to my heart, stirring up
my longing for a new life, a good life, and a reason to live, breathe, and
function again. I struggled and squirmed inside, afraid to give in to such
a strong hope. I was so afraid that this, too, would turn out bad for me.
I was afraid that I would fail, that I would mess things up and let God
down.
But God kept speaking, calling to my heart.
And finally, late that night, I told a couple of the guys that I wanted to
pray. I wanted to give my life to Jesus Christ. Many of the others had
gone home by this time. I went into an empty room and knelt down at the
foot of a bed, and I opened my heart to God. I confessed my sinfulness to
Him, admitted my lost condition, and I asked Jesus Christ to save me from
my sins. I asked Him to take over as the Lord and Ruler of my life.
I cannot express to you all that happened inside my heart and mind, my
very soul, as I prayed. All the old guilt and shame, all the heavy, heavy
weight of misery and anger and fear was washed right out of me as the
grace of God, the peace of God flowed in. Suddenly, for the first time in
my life, I could feel the Presence of God, like heaven itself was right
there in the room with me.
And for the very first time in my life, I had real joy -- the kind that
makes you want to sing and shout. I was amazed. I hadn't expected to feel
anything, to sense any kind of immediate change. But now everything was
different. Really different, from the inside out. I could tell that I
already had a brand new life in Jesus Christ. Right then and there.
That was a long time ago. I could write a book about all the things Jesus
did for me that night, and in all the days and nights since then. I've
been anything but the perfect Christian. I've messed up all kinds of
things, in all kinds of ways, many times. I even lost my faith for a
while. But God has been with me all the way, in every step and in every
moment, helping me, teaching me, training me, and picking me up whenever I
stumble. And my life is not the same as it was before.
Immediately, that very first night, I was released from the old things
that had held me down before. I was able to go back and tell my buddies,
and my old girl friends, and my parents what Jesus did for me. And some of
them, including my parents, also gave their hearts to Jesus Christ. And He
changed them, too.
I met my wife a few months later in a little country church just outside
the city. We both loved the Lord Jesus then, and we both love Him now,
some 34 years later. We have 3 children and 10 grandchildren. And the Lord
is at work in every one of their lives, too.
I don't know how your life has been so far. I don't know all the things
you've been through. I don't know all the wrong things you've done. But I
can tell you one thing for sure: Jesus Christ will set you free. He will
take away all your sins, and give you a brand new life. He will transform
your heart and mind, giving you hope and joy and purpose and meaning. You
will discover why you were born and what you should do with the rest of
your days on earth. And when your life's work is done, Jesus will take you
home to be with Him forever.
So now it's just a matter of deciding what you really want. If you want a
new life in Jesus Christ, if you want peace with God and a reason to live
each day, then God will give you those things when you place your faith in
Jesus. Jesus will do for you what He did for me, and for millions of
others all over the world.
The Bible makes this promise: "whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall
be saved." (Romans 10:13)
And again it says, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be
saved, you and your household." (Acts 16:31)
"The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in
truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear
their cry and save them." (Psalm 145:18,19)
To find out more about how to surrender your life to Jesus, visit this web
page: http://www.goodwordusa.org/word/peace4.htm
God bless you as you take the step that will change everything from
darkness to light.
Jim
©2004 Jim Sutton |
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